Yep, I'm still consumed by the wedding...

...but the good news in there's only like 50 days until it's here! The bad news is I still feel like there's a bazillion things to do:( *Sigh* I figure if I can get a little bit done every day than I'll be able to stay on track.

Today, for instance, I ordered my toasting flutes. I've been looking at toasting flutes for months but haven't really found any that I've fallen in love. That, and they're unbelieveably expensive. $100 for a pair of glasses you will use maybe once? No thanks. So I ended up ordering a pair that look nice and are only $30. I figure if I'm not in love with them, why spend a lot of money?

I've been thinking a lot about my next career move in life. I'm definitely going to hit the search hard after the wedding is over. I keep thinking I want to start up my own business of some sort, but I'm unclear as to what I want to do exactly. I'm really inspired by the artists on Etsy. I think it would be so cool to have a business where I get to make my own crafts everyday. But I haven't done anything like that since I was a kid.

I've also thought about starting my own dessert-making business. Like fancy brownie and cookie trays, fruit trays, cheese trays etc., that people can use for parties. And maybe one day, if I get to that level, wedding cakes! That would be so cool!

I've also been really inspired lately by my friend Fatima, who owns her own creative services company. She gets to photograph some of the coolest places in the world! I would LOVE to have her job! Plus, she gets to dabble in marketing, which would be right up my alley. I think I'm going to take some of her seminars once the wedding is over and I can afford a nice camera. I've thought about becoming a photographer, but I'm not sure if I have the artistic vision required to be successful at something like that.

And, of course, I still think about starting my own cafe/deli/bakery.

My point is that I can't see myself working an 8 - 5 job the rest of my life, or even working for anyone else doing anything the rest of my life. But I'm not sure if I'm at the point where I'm ready to fly on my own yet. I have to pay down my debt first, and I think I still need a few years of work experience under my belt before I take off on my own. I just wish I knew what that next step was. For now, I will keep praying for God's guidance and direction in my life. He will show me the way!

All of this wedding planning stress is really coming to a head.

I feel like every time I turn around there is something else I have to think about or something else to pay for. It's crazy. I feel bad saying this, but I really can't wait 'til it's all over! I know I'll be excited and happy on my big day, but I will feel so relieved when it's all over and I can finally refocus my attention on other things. I now understand why people (or at least those who have money) hire wedding coordinators! If I had the money I would've. Or if I wasn't working full-time then it wouldn't be such an issue.

I know every bride feels this way, but I just want everything to be perfect. But without spending a gazillion dollars that I don't have. And I find myself constantly torn between wanting to spend a little extra money to make it unique and memorable, and penny pinching because I know that it's silly to spend so much money on one day. It's not about the tables, and the flowers, and the food, and the cake - it's about having your family and closest friends witness the love between you and the one you've chosen to spend the rest of your life with. THAT is what is important. And I don't understand why people get so caught up in all of these silly little traditions that really are meaningless. But that's another topic for another day.

If I can just keep my sanity for the next 62 days, I'll be thrilled!