Wedding Pains

Trying to find a cute bridesmaid dress is turning out to be more work than I bargained for! This is actually harder than finding MY OWN DRESS was!! Gahhh, it's like I can either find a cute dress but not in the colors I want, or I can find a dress I hate in millions of colors!! So ridic. I'm about to just assign my bridesmaids to pick them for me, cuz I at this point I'm just tired of thinking about it! Such a waste of energy. And they're only gonna wear it for a day, so really, why am I even stressing about this?

Planning my wedding has been taking up a lot of my time, in general. But yet, at the same time, not enough of my time, if that makes sense. I spend a lot of time looking around at different ideas, but I have yet to actually make that many purchases. I'm ready to just start buying stuff and getting it off my chest though. I mean, with weddings, you really can go crazy and take it as far as you want to. And who really has money for that? I'm talking about your own money, not your parents. Because I sure don't! ! ! So I've been trying to curb my fantasies a bit and trying to pull myself back down to reality. It's one day of my life - I'm not going to spend years trying to pay that day off.

Maybe this should've waited 'til my thirties...

...in other news, Christmas was FANTASTIC this year!! I finally got my North Face jacket that I've been pining over for years. Sam spent weeks trying to find it:) He finally found the last one in my size and color scheme in the country at some sports store in Michigan. Now is that devotion, or what?? I'm a lucky gal, indeed! I also got a key necklace that I've been wanting, and a nice new camera that I've been needing soooo badly! My other camera isn't even old, and there's nothing really wrong with it, it just takes really crappy pictures. It's good for natural daylight photos, and that's about it. It's impossible to take good pictures indoors or in dark settings, like restaurants. So I'm super stoked that I now have this new camera to use for our upcoming honeymoon!

Sam's parents were generous, as usual! We got this badass tent and a blow up queen-size mattress so we can finally go camping with everyone! It's actually an 8 person tent with a front room and a closet, lol! Go big or go home, I guess. It was funny too cuz the first thing out of Amy's mouth was "when are you going to use THAT?!?!" Jealous little cat. As if she's some kind of rugged, seasoned camper or something. Gahh, get over yourself. Anywho, I didn't let that rude comment ruin my day! His parents LOVED the dance lessons we got them, and my dad cried when we gave him the frame of his father's WWII medals and such. I was hoping he loved it, so I was happy when he cried:) That's always a good sign! Well, most of the time anyway.

Tomorrow I'm working on more wedding stuff! Gotta get this done. Actually, I'll be working on wedding stuff allllll week since I'm on vacation! Looking forward to sleeping in.

Alice

If nothing else, I hope to always be a good person in life, with a genuine heart. I hope to learn to be more kind and forgiving, and to let go of petty problems. I hope to enjoy the simple pleasures in life, and spend copious amounts of time with the ones I love most. I hope to be an inspiration to future generations, like you are to me, Aunt Alice. All of this, I learned from you. You're no longer with us in this world, but I love you, and hope to see you in the next life. You will be missed.

One day, I would like to have a job that doesn't require me getting to work at 6:00 am. And that is all I'm going to say about work tonight.

I just got home from my brother's graduation party. My brother J, and his ex-girlfriend/kind-of-sort-of friend C graduated from Sam Houston State University yesterday with their bachelor's degree. C's degree is in Criminal Justice, and J's is in Kinesiology. Don't ask me what he's going to do with that - I don't even think he knows - but hopefully both of them will find jobs soon. The best advice I can give for new graduates in this economy is to take what you can get. I guess it's all apart of the twenties experience.

My family threw a party for the two tonight. Just a simple little gathering with cake and pizza and sandwiches. The F family stopped by, and C's family came by. She has such a nice family. It really made me miss having grandparents. I wish mine hadn't died when I so young. It makes me want to have kids soon so that way my dad and Sam's parents will be able to enjoy seeing their grandchildren grow up, and in turn, my children will enjoy getting to spend time with their grandparents before they get too old.

Except I'm not ready to have kids yet, so that will have to wait a bit.

I celebrated my 26th birthday last Saturday. Had lunch with Sam's family at Lupe Tortilla. Ended up getting a table RIGHT behind Sam's ex-girlfriend's (THE ex) family's table. Talk about irony. I must've done something in the past to deserve that kind of karma. Either that, or God really does have a sense of humor! It actually was pretty funny. It used to really bother me when she was brought up in conversation, but I'm glad to say that I've finally moved on from that stage of my life, and have matured into someone who really doesn't care much about it. They dated for about 5 years on and off and were pretty serious. That was so long ago, when he and I were both different people. She turned out to be a real zero anyway, so that makes it easier.

That night, N and I had dinner with the fam, then went to Whiskey Creek for our bday celebration. It was pretty fun! Most of the people I invited showed up, at least for a little bit, and we were able to get a small table without reservations. I like WC a lot better than Red River - less smoke and fewer trashy people. Plus, I got to ride the mechanical bull!! The whole reason I chose Whiskey Creek to begin with! I was just happy so many people stopped by. It's hard having a birthday two weeks before Christmas. Everyone is busy with Christmas parties so I usually don't plan anything. The only reason I did was because my birthday was on a Saturday this year and it wouldn't made sense NOT to do something!

Only one week left 'til Christmas:)

My Bucket List

It occurred to me tonight that I don't have a bucket list. And I really want one.

Actually, I take that back. I did start a bucket list, but I haven't updated it since October of 2009. Since I was still in GRAD SCHOOL, for crying out loud! That is completely unacceptable.

So, I've decided that I'm going to spend the next year not only creating a bucket list, but crossing things off of it as well. Consider this an early New Year's Resolution.

Here's what I've got on my list so far:

1. Write a novel
2. Join a swim club
3. Learn to dance
4. Get my MFA in Creative Writing/Literature
5. Travel to Italy
6. Get really good at scrapbooking
7. Open my own bakery
8. Start my own event planning business
9. Make cakes like you see on TV
10. Go to pastry school
11. Run a 5k
12. Compete in a half-triatholon
13. Swim with dolphins
14. Work in the Travel & Tourism industry
15. Get married (think I got that one down!)
16. Have children
17. Live in another country for 6 months
18. Get my pHD in something. Don't ask me what, but something!
19. Read the ENTIRE Bible. And probably more than once so I can retain it!

So that's what I have so far! It's not much, but it's a start.

Gotta love the holidays!!

I'm really excited that the holiday season is finally here!! It's everything I have in me right now to keep from decorating my entire apartment, lol! I'm gonna try to wait a few more days, but not sure if I'm going to make it. I just love this time of year! I love the cooler weather, and all of the excitement in the air, and getting to spend more time with family. There's just nothing better, in my opinion!

Control

In my quest to find a new job, I've realized just how impatient I really am. Well, I've always known that I'm impatient, but the newest challenge in my life has just proven this.

There's so many jobs that I would like to try in my life. Like working for a CVB, or destination marketing firm. Working for a Hospitality PR firm, or restaurant development company. Become a really good bartender. Own my own event planning facility/bakery. Marketing for a university, or other non-profit. Work for winery/become a sommelier (that would be bad-a!). Travel writer/freelance writer, and lastly, become a university professor. Yeah, that's my game plan, though not necessarily in that order, lol! So many jobs, so little time!

And that's exactly my point. I am so driven, that I tend to forget that progress comes in stages, not all at once. I am such an achiever, that I get frustrated by slow progression - I want it all at once, and I want it NOW! What I need to do, is sit back and relax and learn to appreciate the opportunities that God has ALREADY placed in my life. I'm so focused on the present, that I am not living in the present, and it's soooooo important to live in the moment. I need to let God call the shots, and relinquish my need to be in control all the time. After all, He is in control, not me. I cannot achieve success without Him, so it's best to just let Him do His thing.

Keeping the Faith

I'm sitting here feeling frustrated. Sometimes it seems like no matter how hard I try, my dreams are never going to come true. It's so hard to get your start these days. Especially hard when you don't know anyone that can help you, that you can network with.

I feel like God is trying to point me in the right direction career/life-wise, but maybe I'm just not hearing Him. Maybe I'm just not listening well enough. I don't know, but it's so hard for me to stay motivated right now. I hate my job. I'm so tempted to just quit and take the road less traveled. Maybe that's where my problem lies, that I don't have enough confidence to take a few risks in life. I know I have what it takes to be successful - I think my track record has proven that thus far. I just don't know what the next step in life is for me.

For now, I'll just keep praying.

Wedding update

WOW! So I just read through my old posts and realized I NEVER, not ONCE discussed my wedding news!!! How absolutely horrible of me!

Okay, so as a quick recap, Sam and I got engaged January 22 of this year, our 4 year anniversary!!! He proposed to me at Maggiano's, our favorite restaurant. Even though I knew he was going to propose, it was still totally unexpected. It was definitely one of the best nights of my life, and I'll never forget how amazingly special I felt when he got down on one knee and proposed in front of the whole lounge area. I was never one of those girls who had an idea of what my proposal would be like, but at the same time, it met all of my expectations and more!

The wedding date is set for May 7, 2011. We're having our ceremony at a winery, and our reception at a yacht club on a lake. We're both super excited about getting married! I can't believe I've finally hit an age and a point in my life where marriage is a feasible idea.

It's just so cool:)

So what if I'm a know-it-all? At least I'm not a fuck-up.

I'm really sick and tired of everybody telling me that I'm a know-it-all. It's not that I'm never wrong - trust me, I know when I don't know something or when I've made a mistake. I can admit when I'm wrong. But to be honest, I'm usually right, and I usually know what I'm talking about. If I don't, then I'm upfront about it. So as long as I continue to be right more often than I am wrong, I will continue to act as, what some people refer to, as a know-it-all.

And the thing that REALLY bothers me is that the people who call me a know-it-all the most are almost always the biggest fuck-ups of all!!! The irony of it is unbelievable to me. They're just pissed because they KNOW I'm right, and THEY'RE the ones who can't admit they're wrong! Gahhh it drives me nuts!!

What I do know, is that I'm assertive, opinionated, and have no problem getting in your face. ESPECIALLY when I know I'm right. And more often than not, I tell people things they don't want to hear out of concern for that person, and nothing else. I know what I say might not always be popular, or liked, or supported, but it's what I believe, and until something changes my mind otherwise, I'll continue to believe it.

It's just so frustrating to me that my friends and family can't always see past me being a know-it-all and see that all I'm really trying to do is help them and keep them from making stupid, possibly life-altering mistakes. And what hurts the most is that I try so hard to look out for my friends, and love them so much, but that this concern is not only unappreciated, but frowned upon.

But what feels the best is when I can say "I TOLD YOU SO!!!" LOL!!!

The Baby Epidemic

Ah, there's nothing that quite defines the twenty-something experience quite like the baby/marriage epidemic that seems to spread like wildfire. It's true what they say (whoever "they" is), it comes out of nowhere. At 20 years old, you're enjoying the good life: going out and partying with your friends, staying up late for no reason, dating, going to school, working, still living at home. Three or four years later, everyone in your life suddenly starts getting engaged/married/ and popping out kids. It's all so overwhelming sometimes.

I guess I kind of fall into that category seeing as how I'm engaged and all, but more than ever, I am feeling the pressure to "get it on" and start having kids, and boy does it SUCK! Now don't get me wrong - I love kids. Kids are great. They're cute, and little, and fun to play with, and just so terrifically innocent. I do want kids...one day. But not right now. Or tomorrow. Or three months from now. Probably not even a year from now. To be honest, I don't know when I will feel like having kids, but I know that I will know when the time is right for me.

In the meantime, there is the pressure to have them and figuring out how to deal with that pressure.

Things seem to have compounded within the last few months since my nephew was born. Now it's like all eyes are on me, and I'm just trying to hide. I know in my head that I'm not ready. I'm way too selfish for kids. I'm terrified of losing my freedom/sense of self. I'm terrified of getting fat and then unable to get back in shape. Perhaps this is immature of me, but that just proves how un-ready I really am. I swear, if one more person asks me when I'm having babies I'm going to punch that unsuspecting person in the face. I mean how rude is it to put that kind of pressure on someone? I know I'm 25, but shit, I'm not ancient. I still have plenty of time. My biological clock hasn't even started ticking yet, or if it has, I sure can't hear it.

I'm sure a lot of it is just me putting pressure on myself. But I keep reminding myself that this isn't a race. It's not a competition to see how quickly I can get knocked up. Babies will come soon enough, I want to enjoy the last few years being child-free while I can. And maybe squeeze a little traveling in while I can, too.

But for now, I just wish everyone would shutup about it and back off a little bit, geesh.

Not really sure what I should write about here, seeing as how it's been awhile.

Sam and I had our engagement party on April 3. Pretty much everyone showed up and had a good time! It was really nice to just spend some quality time at my dad's house with all of my family and close friends. Events like that don't happen nearly enough. This past Sunday, a family friend of mine took a few engagement photos of us. We started at the fire station, where Sam and I met almost 5 years ago, then headed out to Brenham. There's no emotional significance to Brenham for us, I've just always loved Texas wildflowers and wanted to take pictures in them! This time of year is absolutely gorgeous in Texas, with the warm, breezy days and flowers in bloom. It's definitely my favorite! After flower pictures, we headed into downtown Brenham to take a few more shots. All of the pictures turned out really great, I couldn't be happier!

On Saturday, Sam and I will be heading to the Crawfish Festival with a few friends. I haven't been in YEARS, in fact, I can't remember the last time I went! So I'm super excited to go this weekend. I don't like crawfish at all, but I love to drink beer and listen to Texas Country music. And shop, who could forget that?

Reality Sets In

Today kinda sucked. Nothing really bad happend, it was just one of those days. It was cold, and overcast outside, with a bitter chill in the air. Kind of got the post-holiday blues thing going on.

I spent last night hanging out with Sean, Dana, two of my brothers, and Sam. Sean is a former neighbor of mine that I grew up with. He lived across the street from me, and his family moved to Atlanta at the end of my sophomore year of high school. Our families were really close, and I spent a lot of time with them as a teenager. Dana is Sean's girlfriend. Sean is currently stationed at a naval base in Corpus Christi, while Dana resides in Atlanta. It's always good to see them. I always have a great time when they come visit my family in Houston.

Every time they leave, I feel a little bit sad. Hanging out with Sean reminds me of all the fun times my family had spending time with his family years ago. Times when my mom was still alive, and our homes were filled with laughter. Those few years were some of the happiest of my life. I know I shouldn't waste my time longing after times gone-by, but sometimes I can't help it. It really hurts knowing that those times will never be again, that I'll never be able to recreate moments with my family like that. I really miss it. If only I'd known back then what my life would be today, maybe I would've savored those moments just a little more. No matter how much time passes, my family will always feel incomplete without my mother. And it's just so frustrating because I can't do anything about it. I think that's the hardest part to deal with. All I can do is appreciate the present and try to relish the past.

In other depressing news, I still don't have a job yet. Everyone tells me to quit worrying so much, that I just graduated like 3 weeks ago, but they'd be a little worried too if they were trying to find a job in this economy. It. Sucks. What's worse is that I'm not entirely sure of what I want to do. You'd think I'd have figured that out by now! There's just so many things I'd like to try, it's hard for me to narrow down what exactly I want to do. And who really knows that anyway? Why can't I just try something without having to feel obligated to it if I don't like it? Companies are so unforgiving these days. It's like you have to have your entire life planned out by 23 and have a bachelor's and master's degree plus 5 years of experience, but they only want to pay you like $35,000 a year. It's absolutely ridiculous! I mean come on, when are businesses gonna figure out that if you want it all, you have to PAY for it!

Pretty sure I'm just going to substitute teach in the meantime, maybe pick up a waiting job, too. I have to find something to pass the time, not to mention pay my bills. Which reminds me, I have a loan payment due this month. Uggghhhhh.......