New Year's Resolutions

That time of year is quickly approaching. Ya know, the time where you re-evaluate your life and how it's played out over the past year - what you did, what you didn't do, what you could've done better, what you learned. At least, that's what I always do. Boy, did I learn A LOT.

My year started with recovering from a robbery that left me pretty shaken and distrustful of others. I still have a hard time leaving my house; I always have that fear in the back of my mind that something will happen when I'm gone. But, there are just some things I can't control, and getting robbed happens to be one of them. At least to an extent.

I spent a few months struggling with my decision to stay in grad school. For awhile there, I contemplated quitting. I still wonder if it was the right thing to do, but at the end of the day, even if a master's degree doesn't land me a great job, it's still a great personal accomplishment. One that cost $30,000, so it better come in handy for something! I look back on my grad school experience with mixed emotions. Overall, it was a great experience, one that I learned a lot from. I learned that, though I didn't necessarily pick the "best" program, I probably learned more from the negatives of my experience than all of the possible positives combined from a so-called "perfect" program. I learned about the character of certain individuals in positions of power, and how it's not always good. I learned that supposedly mature adults can still treat you like shit and try to belittle you, and how important it is to stand up for yourself, even when it goes against popular opinion. I learned that, no matter how long you have had a relationship with someone, it takes work to keep it not just going, but going well. I learned that you can't always trust your colleagues. I learned how to take on a job that I had NO idea how to do, and excel at it. I learned that people often let their petty jealousies get in the way of forging friendships. I learned that, not matter how hard you try, sometimes you'll just never fit in. And that's okay. On that note, I learned that if it's meant to be, it will be. I learned to have faith that things will work out how they're supposed to. I learned that people will often judge you falsely, and sometimes it takes a little work to change the way people see you. I learned that college students can be really, really lazy. I learned how to have a BLAST at work. I learned that sometimes your friends can make big mistakes, and how to forgive them for it, even when you know they are wrong. Overall, I learned that no experience in life is perfect, and you must learn to take the good with the bad, and make the most of it.

I think they highlight of my year was getting to see my family on the East Coast that I haven't seen in 3 years. That's just way too long to go without seeing the people I love the most. I will never let that much time pass before I see them again. Being around them takes me back to a time in my life when things were so much simpler, and I was so much happier. Not that I'm unhappy now, but it's different. They remind me of who I am, and who I was, and how important it is to never forget where I came from.

2009 will remind me of the friendships I forged, and how blessed I am to have such wonderful people in my life.

I really hope that 2010 is a good year for me. I have a feeling it will be. It will be the first full year that I won't be in school. This will be both good and bad for me. Good in the sense that it's time to pursue some non-academic endeavors in my life, but bad in that I really, really like school, and will miss it. I can't wait to see what the new year brings.

Conflicted

So the time has come for me to find a new job. I knew it would; that's the whole point behind going to school. I'm graduating with master's degree in December, and would really like to find something before the beginning of the new year. Of course this has left me with all sorts of questions. What do I want to do? Where do I want to be? How do I get there? What are my goals? All of these questions, and more than one answer to each one.

I had an interview on Friday with a managed services company. I must say that I never really envisioned myself in managed services. I didn't even know what that was until a few months ago. I was really excited throughout the interview; it seemed like a really great opportunity. However, the recruiter I interviewed with is mainly hiring for the Dallas area, which left me wondering if Dallas is somewhere I could live. I like Dallas. I mean, it's nice. Very cosmopolitan, and sprawling like Houston. Well-manicured, with an impressive downtown. But could I live there? Honestly, could I? I don't know. It's a nice place, but I could take it or leave it. I was far more impressed with Fort Worth than I was with Dallas. And I'm not too keen on Dallas culture, at least what I know of it. But if the students I go to school with are any representation of the Dallas culture, than I could definitely pass on that. Not pretentious enough for Dallas culture. Maybe I'm being too judgemental? I don't know. If I'm going to move somewhere, it might as well be somewhere I REALLY want to be, and not just somewhere I'm so-so about. At least, as long as I have the option to do that.

Anyway, the recruiter seemed to like me, and passed my resume and information on to the Houston office. I think if I could have my own account in Houston I would enjoy it. It would kind of be like running my own business. We'll see if I hear anything from them.

I'm looking at several marketing positions right now. I really enjoy marketing, and must admit that the steady schedule appeals to me. I've done my share of working nights and weekends, and I'm pretty much done with. There's something to be said for work-life balance. I want to have a family, and a life outside of work, as well as enjoy my job. Is that too much to ask for?

Of course, if I were to own my own business, things would be different. I wouldn't mind working nights and weekends if it was on my own terms. One day, I would like to own a small cafe that features, soups, salads, sandwiches, and pastries. I would love love LOVE to be a pastry chef. Working in managed services would really allow me to experience what it would be like to own a business. But I'm still really drawn to marketing, so I don't know. I'm sure plenty of people have owned cafes without having actually managed a restaurant before. Besides, it's not like I don't have any experience - I've worked in restaurants since I was 16, and will have a degree in Restaurant, Hotel, and Institutional Management. I know all of the principles, it's just the fine details I'm not sharp on right now. But I know if I wanted it bad enough, I could figure it out. Plenty of people have before my time. I guess at some point, you just have to pick something that will make you happy and not stress about what you can't control! If I'm going to own a business one day, I will, and nothing is going to stop me.

My dog is a chewing machine.

In the course of just a week, she has chewed up a leash, and my cell phone charger. How she managed to chew up the charger without getting electrocuted, I don't know. I shouldn't have left it so close to her crate. Maybe I can find a new one on eBay or something. Sam and I might be getting iPhones in December, so I don't really want to buy a new one.

As for the leash, well, that one was my fault too. Left her sitting alone in the car too long and she finally had her way with it. Came back to the char and the buckle was still on her color - without the ensuing leash.

Current score: Jade 2, Kristen 0

It would be really nice if...

...I had a job lined up! I'm so stressed out over not having a job yet! I know it's only October, but I'm starting to freak out! Not only that, but Sam tells me today he may be getting laid off. AWESOME!!!!! I pray that God will show me the way to employment!

Gaahh!!

I really hate assessment tests! I just finished working on one for a job I interviewed for. I never do well on them, and I don't think they're an accurate assessment of one's personality. I mean who can say that they do one thing or another all the time or never??? So stupid!!!

Useless Beauty

Returned from my 1-day trip to New Mexico today. Actually, if you count the time I arrived there to when I left, I was there less than 24 hours! Talk about a long trip, it took about 7 hours each way from Lubbock to get to Albuquerque. For some reason, I didn't think it would take that long. It's about 400 miles one-way, almost the same distance from Houston to Lubbock. Houston to Lubbock is about 8 hours. My point is, it took awhile, and I'm glad to not be in a car for awhile!

Once we got to Albuquerque (I traveled with my dad) I had a good time. We went to my dad's friends' house to pick up some boxes of my grandfather's stuff that they moved with them when they moved from Massachusetts a few weeks ago. They've lived there their whole lives (both in their 60s now) and I can't imagine what a shock it would be to move to a completely different state at their age! But I admire their gumption and adventurous spirit:) It was great to seem them; I haven't seen them in about 10 years. That's 10 years too long! I used to seem them all the time when I lived in New Hampshire. They're a part of my past, and it was really great to go down memory lane with them.

Albuquerque/Rio Ranch are beautiful cities. Everything is very clean, and well-manicured. The weather is as close to perfect as possible, and the city caters to bike-riders by adding in bike lanes to all the main roads. I thought that was pretty cool. I guess in a city like that you can actually ride your bike because the climate is so dry and it stays pretty cool most of the year. I have pictures, but I left my camera cord at Sam's apartment, so I won't be able to load them until (possibly) next week. Ugh.

On the way back to Lubbock, we went a different route. Instead of driving I-27 from Lubbock to Amarillo, then I-40 from Amarillo to Albuquerque, we took I-25 from Albuquerque to Santa Fe (love it!) and then highway 285 to highway 84 which goes directly to Lubbock. Actually, we weren't supposed to drive that way, but we both missed the exit for I-40, so it ended up being faster to drive to Santa Fe and then back down then to turn around. We also stopped in Fort Sumner to see Billy the Kid's grave. It took all of 5 minutes to see, and it was pretty creepy, but at least I can say that I saw it!

New Mexico truly is a beautiful state, but it is such a barren wasteland. I mean, in some parts there is literally nothing. No homes. No trees. No hills. Nothing. So Ive dubbed it a beautiful wasteland. I go back forth in my head as to whether I could live there or not, but for now, I'm sticking with no. It's beautiful, cheap to live in, and has amazing weather, but it's really isolated from everything. But I dunno, knowing myself, I'll change my mind tomorrow. I do like how outdoors-y it is.

Once we got back to my house, my dad decided he wanted to leave to go back to Cypress. I tried to convince him it wasn't a good idea, but he never listens to me, so he left around 8:00 tonight. Last I heard he was somewhere near Abilene.

Glad to finally see my pup again! I was so worried about her. I know I shouldn't be, but she's still only 10 weeks old, so I didn't want to leave her without me for too long, which is why we didn't stay in New Mexico longer. My roommate was nice enough to watch her for me, and I didn't want to place more of a burden on her!

The only thing I wish I would've done was buy some turquoise jewelry. I've been wanting some for awhile now, and I live so close to New Mexico, it's kind of ridiculous that I haven't gotten some by now. I'm supposed to go to Carlsbad Caverns next month. Hopefully I can buy some them!

Sooner than later would be nice...

Today proved to be quite a stressful day for me. I went on my first job interview in over a year. I interviewed with Jason's Deli. I think the interview went pretty well, though I'm not sure if there's an actual position available or not. The man I interviewed with said he would be out of town until Friday, and that if I was selected to move on to the next step I would know by early next week.

I'm starting to stress more and more about finding a job. It's disheartening to not even receive a phone call for an interview. I knew it was tough out there, but this is crazy. I'm starting to wonder if having a master's degree is doing more harm then good. I hope something comes around soon.

A lot of my stress can be credited to the fact that I'm going to start my period soon. I always stress out really bad before I start. I hate feeling this way! I'd love nothing more then to crawl into bed and snooze away my sorrows, but I have a Food Systems midterm to work on that is proving to be more time consuming than I originally thought. It would've been nice if my prof had sent it out last week like I thought she was going to. I actually had time to work on it this past weekend. Now, I don't. GRRR!!!

Race for the Cure

I ran my first Race for the Cure today. It was held in Lubbock, down by the Convention Center. My roommate and I participated, along with her daughter, and two of our friends. It was a really cool experience to be able to participate in such an emotional experience, not only for me, but for thousands of other people just in one city. I believe the final headcount for the race was 8,300 people, not bad for a town of just over 200,000.

We met at the Convention Center around 8:00, even though the 1 mile race didn't start until 8:45. It was a lot colder than I expected it to be. In my defense, I checked the weather the night before and it was supposed to be around 80 for a high. Definitely wasn't even close to 80, more like 56 degrees when I woke up. I say woke up, but it was more like I bounded out of bed after hearing L knock on our front door and ring our doorbell just before 7:00 this morning. I hope she wasn't standing out there for long!

It made me tear up to see the names of all the people who have died from breast cancer posted below peoples' race numbers. I noticed some people put pictures of their loved ones. Those were the hardest to handle. Some people had multiple names from the same family on their papers. I still get angry when I think about, it just doesn't seem fair for someone to have to go through so much pain, and not be able to do ANYTHING about it. I thought about my mom a lot last night as I was trying to sleep. It's still hard, and I still can't believe she's not here sometimes.

I ran into one of my old neigbors who live down the street from my dad. I used to babysit the little girl, and the mom is friends with my roomie's mom. They actually work together at Hamilton Junior High back home. Small world. The girl isn't so little anymore, in fact, she's taller than I am. She still seems like the same girl she's always been though, as if time hasn't changed her at all. I always was fond of her.

I think next year I'd like to try the 3 mile race. My running skills are improving. I'm able to run faster for steadier periods of time, which makes me happy! I've kind of gotten off track the last week, but hopefully I can get back on track this week before I go out of town to Houston for the weekend.

After the race, I came home and took a much needed nap. Something about cold, cloudy weather always makes me tired. I was tempted to take a second nap today, but wouldn't let myself. Instead, I made myself apply for more jobs. Talk about depressing! I must've applied for at least 10 jobs by now, and I haven't gotten a call back from anyone. I know the market is tough right now, but geez, really? I hope something will come along soon. All in good time, I guess.

Went to the South Plains Fair tonight with my roomie, and a few friends. It was so much fun! Kinda sucked that they don't take cards STILL, even in the year 2009! Ridiculous! So I owe my friend's boyfriend some money since he bought my tickets...but what else is new? I'll pay him back.

At least I won a stuffed flower! There's this booth where you pay a guy to guess something about you. My options were age, weight, or birthmarks. I wasn't about to pick birthmarks, and weight was not something I wanted to think about after eating Arby's Chicken Salad Sandwich and fried mozzerella with ranch for dinner, so I stuck with age. He looked at me for awhile, then wrote a number down on a tiny yellow notepad. He held his thumb over the pad so I couldn't see the number, then asked me what my age was. I said 23 for some reason, though I don't know why 'cuz I'm 24. I'm so stupid sometimes, lol! I guess in my heart I still feel like I'm 23, it just seems like a good age to be, I dunno. I'm actually closer to 25.

Anyway, he put down that I'm 22, which made me laugh because people ALWAYS think I'm either a lot younger or a lot older than I really am. Younger because of my looks, older because of my words. I guess I should be flattered. He was allowed to guess within 2 years of my actual age, so he got to keep the money. But my friend's boyfriend managed to convince him to give me a flower by asking him how he could deny a pretty girl or something like that. He must be sucking up so I'll approve of him again, but that's another story for another day. The guy gave in, picked out a stuffed flower for me, and told me not tell anyone. His secret is safe with me.

The Truth. Or something like it.

Went to see Jeanette Walls speak tonight at the Allen Theater. She's the author of The Glass Castle, one of my favorite books of all time! Her speech was very inspirational, as her novel is. The most memorable part was a line she spoke about truth. I can't remember what the exact words were, but she said one time a friend told her that the truth is more liquid than solid; its shape takes many forms, or something along those lines.

I've been thinking about truth a lot lately. I thought those words painted a pretty accurate portrayal of what "the truth" means. It's like the old saying goes, "there's two sides to every story, and then there is the truth." The truth can mean different things to different people, depending on your perceived experience of the event that occured, or words that were spoken. I believe our own backgrounds and experiences can taint the truth.

A good example of this can be proven through a situation that occured at work this past week. My students must not leave the building during lab time, even if they have a break. One of my students happend to leave lab under the premise that the chef told them "you can do whatever you want, as long as you're back at this time and not a minute late." This student perceived this to mean she could leave the building and come back as long as she wasn't late. Chef perceived this to mean that all the students knew they were not allowed to leave the building, but they could do whatever they wanted to during break, as long as it was inside the building. When I approached the student about this later, she told me what the chef had said, and perceived that to be the truth, even though it wasn't. I'm not sure if this making sense, but my point is, that our backgrounds and influences growing up can shape our ideas of what the truth is, and that one person's idea of the truth may not be true afterall.

Anyway, enough of that. I've decided I want to write a novel. Well, I've known this for a long time, but I think I'm serious about it now. I've always loved writing. I would love to take on the challenge of writing and publishing a novel of some sort. If I have some time tomorrow, I'd like to start writing.

Zombie-like

I haven't been sleeping well the past couple of nights and it's starting to wear on me. I'm so used to watching TV before I go to sleep; it's tough not having it!

Because I'm so tired I haven't been working on my Master Event Plans. I know I need to, but I just can't muster up the strength to finish them. I'm going to try to devote at least the next two nights to working on them. It'd be a lot easier if I could do my workouts in the morning instead of wasting my time doing them at night. Of course, if I could actually fall asleep at night it might be easier to wake up in the morning!

Thinking I need to pick up a second job for the fall. So far, I've got at least 2 weddings to go to within the next year: one is in Hawaii, the other is a 5-day cruise. And somehow, this poor graduate student has to find the resources to pay for it!

Recordkeeping

I just finished reading The Red Leather Diary yesterday. It was Saturday morning, and I'd woken up later than I wanted to, but I'd gone out drinking the night before and was slightly hungover from an unexpected shot of Cabo Wabo and piano jams going through my head. Instead of starting my day off on the right foot by being productive, I decided to stay in bed just a little longer and nurse the headache I'd acquired overnight.

I found the book to be quite intriguing, and much different than I'd originally expected. The book is about the diary of a 90-some-odd-year-old woman that was found in a Dumpster in New York City by a young reporter who works for the New York Times. For some reason, when I think of old people, I always think of them as being sweet and innocent and naive, as if they've never actually lived their lives and made mistakes like all of us do. I'm not sure why I think this way; it's as if I equate them with small children or something. Anyway, it was with this mindset that I read the book.

Boy, was I wrong. People got crazy back then just like they do now! I don't know why I figured otherwise. I guess it's just this perception that people were more conservative back in the day. After reading this book, I'm not so sure that's true!

The book highlighted five years of this woman's life, whose name is Florence, as she grew up in the late 1920s/early 1930s. She was raised by immigrant parents in New York's most affluent social scene during this time. She was exposed to the best education and culture that money could buy, and oddity during the Great Depression. It seems to me that during those times, people experienced life at a much younger age than they do now. At 14 years old, this girl was roaming the streets of New York by herself, going to museums and plays and art shows. These days, we don't even trust a 14-year-old to cross the street by themselves, nevermind roam the streets of a large city. It was a very good read; I highly recommend it to anyone who is curious about life during the Depression in the United States, particularly from a wealthy person's point of view. We read so much about how the Depression affected the poor, almost forgetting that wealthy people still existed during this time.

The book also made me wonder about what life must've been like for my mother when she was growing up. Unfortunately, I never got to the point where I got to know my mother and what her life was like before I born. I've always been curious about her life before me. Was she like me in any way? What did she dream about? What were her regrets, if any? What were her hobbies? I wish I knew. Wish there were a diary I could find of hers that would fill me in on everything I never got to discover about her. I feel like the more I know about her, the more I will know about myself. Hopefully one day, I will find out.

Feeling the Pressure!

The past few days have been very busy for me.

Tuesday night I worked up at Skyviews to help out with Dinner Series. It turned out to be quite an eventful night! Both elevators stopped working at the same time, leaving all of our guests stranded on the sixth floor of the building! The only way out was to take six flights of stairs down to the parking lot. That, and one of our guests got stuck inside the elevator for 30 minutes or so.

I went to the Theraputic Riding Center orientation yesterday. I'm a little nervous about volunteering there, but I think it could be a good experience for me.

My Community Engagement class has proved to be very interesting thus far. We're forming a fundraiser to help send underprivelaged kids to summer camp. I'm pretty excited about the opportunity to really help someone!

Other than that, I've been helping out at fashion camp as much as I can and trying to avoid getting sick. One of my student's was sick this past week, and I think I may have caught it from him.

I know I should be helping out at fashion camp more, but it's been really hard to find time with everything I have going on. I have a feeling my professor might be slightly upset with me over this. I hate that feeling. Hopefully I can find a way to make up any missed hours I have! I really hope she's not mad...

Fashion Camp: Day 1

Glad to say that the first day of fashion camp when well. Despite the 100 degree temperatures and bright sunny skies, the campus tour that I volunteered to sign up for went smoothly. It's weird to be around teenage girls again. It hasn't been that long since I was a teenager myself, but being a teenager is just different now. It will be interesting to see how the rest of the week goes.

Tomorrow is the photo shoot that I signed up/was forced to lead. I struggle a little bit with the whole concept of being a counselor at a fashion camp. Let's face it, most of the campers probably know more about fashion than I do; I can put together an outfit, but I'm no fashionista. But I'm curious to learn the works of putting together a camp of any kind, especially one that includes a fashion show. It can only help build my resume!

A much needed update

Okay, I've really got to stop slacking on this blog business! I didn't start one just to not use it!

I bought a book yesterday called "The Red Leather Diary" (which, by the way, prompted me to update my OWN diary!) and I'm really enjoying it so far. It's about a girl named Lily who finds this diary of a young woman who lived during the late 1920s/early 1930s. She eventually finds the woman who wrote the diary, who, at the ripe old age of 90, was still alive and well, at least at the time the book was published. I've always loved reading accounts of how life used to be before I was born. I don't know why I find it so fascinating to see how other people lived their lives, but I do.

I also bought two trashy romance novels that I enjoy reading from time to time. They help take my mind of the more serious matters in my life :).

I'm currently in summer school taking three courses. I know it's ambitious of me, but I'd rather be ANYWHERE but Lubbock in the summer! However, I want to complete my master's degree more than anything at the moment. All lofty goals require some sacrafice, right? I'm really looking forward to finishing the next two weeks of school. I have to somehow complete 5 Master Event Plans by August 5. Except I have NO idea how to even write a Master Even Plan! It's so frustrating! I'm hoping to complete all five by June 26 so I can at least write off one class as being completed this summer. We'll see if I can accomplish this.

So many plans!

I feel a certain sense of satisfaction knowing that I'm achieving a goal most people only dream about. Or at least trying to. Lately, I've noticed many people want to own a bakery and plan events, both goals I'm working towards. Hopefully, my master's in RHIM will help me achieve those dreams.

I also want to get my pastry certificate after I graduate in December so I can start making and selling baked goods from my house. My goal is to one day open a bakery that also doubles as a bistro. Nothing big, I just want to sell baked goods, sandwiches, soups, salads, and sweet tea. Oh, and also pottery. Maybe I could recruit local artists to sell their pieces at my bakery? I think that would be fun!

I've been so busy with school lately I've barely been able to keep up. I wish I had more time to pursue activities that I enjoy, not just school and work. I was really hoping I could join the Polo team this semester, but all the rides times are during my class periods, which is disappointing. I really miss horseback riding. I hope one day I will be fortunate enough to own my own horse and actually show. I've always wanted to do that. But it's still frustrating to me that I can't do anything about it NOW. There must be something I can work out...

I also wanted to join the new Swim Club on campus but they also meet when I'm in class or at work. Ugh. It's so aggrevating to me that I don't have the time or money to do the things I really want to do. Hopefully, I can find some kind of activity this semster to try, preferably something that I've always wanted to try. I'm going to try to work something out.

I will get organized. Eventually.

It's soooooo freakin' COLD outside! I'll tell ya, going out is just not the same when the weather is cold. It's just not worth getting all dressed up and leaving my apartment, lol! Nonetheless, I'm glad that I went out tonight since my splitting migraine prevented me from doing anything entertaining last night. Other than surfing Facebook, of course.

Went out with my brother's girlfriend tonight for dinner and drinks and had a really great time! I really like her, and am very glad my brother finally found someone normal for once. We went to Carino's for dinner, and ironically enough, were waited on by a guy I used to work with in 2004 when I first started at Tech. His name is Josh. I thought I recognized him at first but wasn't sure if it was him, until he dropped the check and asked me if I had lifeguarded in Lubbock before (kind of a random question?). I said no, and that I had worked at Carino's before, and he said that's where he recognized me from. Apparently he had left to move to Houston shortly after I went back home, and had attended fire school and became an EMT. After Ike, he moved back up to Lubbock to finish his degree. He said he has another 6 months left. Anyway, the story is really irrelevent, but I just thought was neat to run into somebody from that time of my life. Such a screwed up time in my life. I was even more surprised that he actually recognized me, considering I don't look the same at 24 as I did at 19.

So after a delicious dinner and good conversation we went to Library to meet up with some of Teena's friends. I don't really care for Library that much; it's the place where Lubbock's ghetto people go to drink, surprisingly enough. That, and it's cold in the winter time because they keep the front doors open. I'm also a wimp though. Anyway, I just got home about 30 minutes ago and thought I would catch up on my journal since I've neglected it the past week or so.

I am so glad this week is over. I definitely need a chance to take a breather, get organized, and catch up on everything I haven't been able to get to since the semester started. I can't believe I'm going on my fourth week of school already. That's just crazy to me. I mean the faster, the better, but all the same, I have SO much to do! Tomorrow I'm going to make a to-do list, and a to-buy list, as well as go to Barnes and Noble and pick up a book on organization. I could really use the help. I have GOT to get my life together; I'm getting older, and much busier, and can't rely on memory alone to guide me in everything I need to accomplish. It's making me anxious as I write this! Anyway, hopefully I can get everything together this week so I can start off on a fresh page next week which will help set a good tone for the rest of the semester/yearh. I really want to be more organized, reliable, and accountable; I have to be in order to be taken more seriously on the job and get good recommendations when I graduate. Up until now, I've kind of relied on the theory that getting older means getting more on-top of things, which I've come to find isn't necessarily true.

A good example: I forgot to turn in my Module 2 exam for my Concepts class today. In my defense, it wasn't assigned in class, rather this past weekend a full week after the first day of class. If something isn't assigned in class, it's harder for me to remember to do it. Lame, I know, but it's true. Anyway, I felt like a total doofus, and decided then and there that enough is enough. I'm sure my co-workers and peers think I'm a total idiot for being so forgetful. I feel inadequate as a grad student as is; in fact, sometimes I think it would be better to wait until I'm a little older to go to grad school. But really, how am I going to be able to fit that into my schedule as I get older and have more responsibilities? There's just no way. So I'll suck it up and deal with it now, and just make the best of my situation. Man, I am pumped and ready to go! Must be the alcohol speaking.

Ignorance is Bliss

Well, today was a little better than yesterday as far as my mood is concerned. The first part of my day started out a little rough; I was definitely in the mood to self-depricate. Anyway, I snapped out of later when I realized that no one is perfect, and everyone makes mistakes. That's part of who we are as human beings, and it helps us learn who we really are. Besides, how boring would it be if I was perfect? Then nobody would like me, lol!

Anyway, one thing I need to work on is learning to accept myself for who I am. I know that's the pinnacle of every twenty-something's life, but for me it is extra hard because I haven't had the "normal" twenty-something experience. But I have accept that that's the way my life turned out, and no matter how much I wish I could go back and change things, I CAN'T. As my boyfriend's mother says "Stop looking in the rear-view mirror."

One thing that bothers me is people who say they have no regrets in life. That is the biggest load of BS I've ever heard. How can you have NO regrets in life? That's impossible. Everyone has something that they regret or wish they had done differently. People who disagree simply haven't lived enough to say otherwise. Usually it's people who are young and naive.

I've got to learn to lighten up a little, and not overanalyze things so much. The happiest people are those who can take bad experiences and pass at off as lesson learned, instead of dwelling on things they can't change.

It's so cold outside...

...I can see my breath. I can't, however, feel my toes.

My roomate and I moved into our new apartment today. It's in an older apartment complex on the south side of town. It's older than the last apartment I had, but ironically enough, a lot nicer. And quieter. I am so over houses. For now, anyway.

The whole burglarly has created a lot of anxiety in me lately. I'm not sure if it was the moving process I was dreading, or the loss of my sense of security, or maybe both, but I've felt on edge for about a week now. Sometimes living so far away from home is a hassle. But, I've got a year left of school, so I'm going to make the best of it while I can. Now I would just like to work on regaining that sense of confidence and security about leaving my belongings at home that I had before. When I really think about it, of all the days of my life, which there are many, I've only had one where I've come home to my house being broken into (or at least my roomate did). I know it will take time to regain my confidence, but I'm hopeful. Hopeful, but even more cautious than I was before.

The Beginning of Something Good...I Hope.

Okay, so it's the beginning of a new year so I decided to start a blog. There are many things I wish to change about myself and my life this coming year, and I've set some lofty goals in hopes of achieving this change. I've always loved writing, and I'm hoping this blog will help me organize my thoughts a little better in order to meet these goals.

To start, I will tell a little bit about myself. I just turned 24 years old on December 11. I graduated from Texas Tech University in December of 2007 with a bachelor's degree in Journalism, and went back to Tech in August to obtain my master's in Hotel, Restaurant, Institutional Management, the same subject I hold a minor in.

I realize these two fields hold nothing in common, but I realized soon after graduating that writing for a living just won't pay the bills. I've worked in restaurants since I was 16 years old, and have always enjoyed the business. It takes a very special person to work in the hospitality field, so I figured I'd take advanatage of this God-given quality and put my skills to use. If all goes well, I should graduate in December of 2009. Hopefully the economy will have improved by then!

I have a boyfriend who lives in Houston where I'm from. Our three year anniversary is in January, and the bulk of that relationship has been long-distance. Some people think we are crazy for doing this, and I admit, it's a little unconventional, but it works for us. I'll go into that more later.

I was born in New Hampshire and lived there until I was 13. My dad got a job in Houston, Texas, and my family was uprooted and moved across the country to this foreign destination where I have lived (on and off when I'm not in school) ever since. I have a twin brother, as well as two younger brothers, a father, and a new step-mother. My real mother died in April of 2006 of cancer. Many of my blogs will be about her. My dad remarried in Septemeber of 2008, and my step-mother moved into my dad's house, along with her youngest daughter who is 18. She also has an older daughter who is 27, and married. Oh, and I have a cat as well as two inherited dogs.

Anyway, that is all I'm going to write for now. There's a lot more I'd like to say, but I will get to that in time. My goal is to update this blog at least once a week; we'll see if that actually happens!

One last thing: Wreck 'Em Tech