So now that the wedding is finally over, I feel like my life can get back to more of a normal state. This is the first time in my life that I haven't been in school, or planning some other huge occasion, in quite some time. It feels very weird.
I was thinking about that fact a few days ago. Sam and I got engaged about a month after I graduated with my master's. So most of last year was spent looking for a job or planning our wedding. Since getting laid off in mid-April, I now find myself jobless once again, but this time without a wedding to plan! Most people would relish in this unforseen time off, but I am dreading it.
The first few weeks of unemployment were great - I was able to focus on wrapping up the final few details of the wedding, and spend time with my friends and family that flew in for the occasion. But now, in typical Kristen fashion, I'm bored out of my mind! I tend to be a person of extremes: when I have a job, I am always on the go, rarely stopping to relax or take any kind of break. I will work myself into exhaustion and illness. However, when I am unemployed I get really really really lazy. And I hate that about myself. I sleep in everyday, eat too much and watch wayyyy too much TV. It's like when I know I have no reason to get up and be productive - I don't. Grr.
So now I'm sitting here just wishing I had some sort of job to wake up to everyday. I know, I'm weird. Most people would love to be in my place right now, collecting unemployment and sitting at home eating potato chips and job surfing while watching the Today Show. But I can't stand it!!!!
I will admit, it is nice to finally not have to stress out about the wedding anymore. As much fun as it was, and as much as I love to plan events, a 18 months of planning can wear out even the most passionate of event planners.
And I don't think getting laid off happened for no reason - I do believe it was God's intervention that led to it. He knew I was miserable at that job. I was going to quit anyway. Except now I feel an immense amount of pressure to find an even better job! One that I will actually somewhat enjoy. I know I don't want to do what I was doing before, but I don't really know what I want to do, and that is frustrating for someone who always knows what they want. I'm so scared of picking a direction that might be the wrong direction, a direction I won't be able to get out of if I don't like it, that I just feel frozen. I sit in front of the computer screen with all of these tabs open for jobs that look quasi-interesting, but when it comes down to actually applying, I get overwhelmed. It's such a time-consuming process, and one that most often results in rejection. I mean, not even a damn e-mail saying "Thank your for interest". Nothing. How is that supposed to be motivating?
I just pray that I God blesses me with an even better job than I had before, and helps steer me in the path I'm supposed to be on.
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