Today kinda sucked. Nothing really bad happend, it was just one of those days. It was cold, and overcast outside, with a bitter chill in the air. Kind of got the post-holiday blues thing going on.
I spent last night hanging out with Sean, Dana, two of my brothers, and Sam. Sean is a former neighbor of mine that I grew up with. He lived across the street from me, and his family moved to Atlanta at the end of my sophomore year of high school. Our families were really close, and I spent a lot of time with them as a teenager. Dana is Sean's girlfriend. Sean is currently stationed at a naval base in Corpus Christi, while Dana resides in Atlanta. It's always good to see them. I always have a great time when they come visit my family in Houston.
Every time they leave, I feel a little bit sad. Hanging out with Sean reminds me of all the fun times my family had spending time with his family years ago. Times when my mom was still alive, and our homes were filled with laughter. Those few years were some of the happiest of my life. I know I shouldn't waste my time longing after times gone-by, but sometimes I can't help it. It really hurts knowing that those times will never be again, that I'll never be able to recreate moments with my family like that. I really miss it. If only I'd known back then what my life would be today, maybe I would've savored those moments just a little more. No matter how much time passes, my family will always feel incomplete without my mother. And it's just so frustrating because I can't do anything about it. I think that's the hardest part to deal with. All I can do is appreciate the present and try to relish the past.
In other depressing news, I still don't have a job yet. Everyone tells me to quit worrying so much, that I just graduated like 3 weeks ago, but they'd be a little worried too if they were trying to find a job in this economy. It. Sucks. What's worse is that I'm not entirely sure of what I want to do. You'd think I'd have figured that out by now! There's just so many things I'd like to try, it's hard for me to narrow down what exactly I want to do. And who really knows that anyway? Why can't I just try something without having to feel obligated to it if I don't like it? Companies are so unforgiving these days. It's like you have to have your entire life planned out by 23 and have a bachelor's and master's degree plus 5 years of experience, but they only want to pay you like $35,000 a year. It's absolutely ridiculous! I mean come on, when are businesses gonna figure out that if you want it all, you have to PAY for it!
Pretty sure I'm just going to substitute teach in the meantime, maybe pick up a waiting job, too. I have to find something to pass the time, not to mention pay my bills. Which reminds me, I have a loan payment due this month. Uggghhhhh.......
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