Pinning!!!!

So a few months ago, I received an invite to join Pinterest. I'd never heard about it before, until I went on a photoshoot with my sister-in-law Crystal. A girl at the photoshoot told me about Pinterest, and at first, it sounded kind of lame. I mean who has time to sit around all day and just pin random pictures onto an online pinboard?

Well, apparently I do because I am HOOKED.

Here a few of my latest pins:

Currently making these for dinner tonight! They're Shredded Beef Tacos, and you make them in a Crock Pot. Quick and easy! Sam has to work late, so they will be ready by the time he gets home. The smell so good so far! Can't wait to see how they taste.

Sam and I are going to a baby shower tomorrow afternoon. His friend Josh and his wife are having twins! So very excited for them. I think I'm going to attempt to do this with my bangs. I have fine hair, so some styles just don't work for me, but I think I can pull this off.

October is right around the corner. And that means Halloween is almost here! I love Halloween, it's so fun to dress up and act silly, if just for a night (or two...or three...). I made barfing pumpkins (classy, I know...) for a Halloween party I had one year in grad school, so I think I'm going to attempt to make this for Halloween this year! 

I wanted to show a few more pins, but my computer has decided against that, so I will cease for tonight. But trust that I will have more soon! I love the inspiration for every day projects, styles and recipes that I get from Pinterest. If nothing else, it definitely helps pass the time.

50 Questions That Will Free Your Mind - Part 3

1. Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton? As of late, I'd rather be a joyful simpleton. But I probably don't mean that.
2. Why are you, you? Well, from the experiences I've been through. And maybe partly from genetics.
3. Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend? For the most part, I think I have been. I sometimes wish I had more time to spend with my friends. And I have a problem with over-committing. And I guess I could be better about calling and keeping up more on a day-to-day basis. But I've always tried to be a good friend to my friends.
4. Which is worse, when a good friend moves away, or losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you? Losing touch with a good friend that lives right near you! There really is no excuse.
5. What are you most grateful for? My faith in God and health.
6. Would you rather lose all of your old memories, or never be able to make new ones? Ugh, do I have to choose? I guess never make new ones. Because if I lost all of my old ones than what would be the point in making new ones? All new memories eventually become old.
7. Is is possible to know the truth without challenging it first? I don't think so. All truths are challenged at some point. That's how you know they are true. You have to work through it in your head to come to a conclusion that it's a truth.
8. Has your greatest fear ever come true? Well, one of them did. My mom died way before her time.
9. Do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset?  Does it really matter now? Yes. My mom died 5 years ago. Please see the previous question. And it does still matter.
10. What is your happiest childhood memory?  What makes it so special? I think spending time with my cousins and extended family are my happiest childhood memories. Just being young and happy and care-free with my favorite people made it so special!

Pumpkin Spice, and everthing nice.

My favorite thing about Fall (which starts Friday, everyone!): The Pumpkin Spice Latte. Currently, it's a little warm in H-Town for a latte, but trust that I'm counting down the days 'til these bad boys are in season. 

You see, I happen to love Fall. Like, LOVE Fall. It's arguably my favorite time of year, in a never-ending battle with Spring to win the coveted place in my heart of favorite season. But I'm sick of hot weather, so Fall is in the lead right now.

And how sickeningly delicious do these cookies look? Apparently, they are known as Caramel Stuffed Apple Cider Cookies. I mean, SHUT. UP. Can't wait to get my hands on these!

Turning the Crank

I've been working this week on going to bed at a decent hour. And by decent hour, I mean before midnight. Figured I'd shoot low and see what happens. As you can see from the time I'm posting this blog entry, it's not going well. My fault for getting myself so off track to begin with. But Sam was out of town for a few days, and, well, ever since my house was broken into a few years back, I've had a hard time sleeping in houses by myself. Not apartments, just houses. I feel much safer in an apartment setting, presumably because of the gated entry and numerous neighbors that are likely to hear something happen and blah, blah, blah. But being in a big house by myself creeps me out.

I used to cherish being home alone when I was in high school. Growing up in a family of six, there were rarely times when I got to be home alone, so when I was, I took advantage of every minute of my solitude. Played my music up loud, watched whatever I wanted to on TV. Sometimes, I would just sit on the couch downstairs, in the dark, and listen to the sound of pure silence. I LOVED it. Still do. Back then, we lived out in the "country", and it was (and still is, really) a very safe place to live. I could ride my bike around the neighborhood at 3:00 in the morning if I wanted to and not worry about a thing.

But now, I tend to worry more than I did at 17. In an attempt to help fix my internal clock, I took an Advil PM on Sunday night and Monday night, but I hate how groggy it makes me feel the next day. Plus, I don't really want to get dependent on those to fall asleep again. Been there, done that (college, anyone?). But I hate tossing and turning all night. It's hard for me to turn my brain off, come bed time. I've been that way for as long as I can remember.

When I was little, I would frequently have nights where I just could not fall asleep. I would lay there in bed, and stare up at the ceiling, just thinking about things. Eventually, I would run into my parents' room, and wake my mom up to inform her, in a very matter-of-fact way, that I couldn't sleep. She would walk me back to my bedroom, never getting upset with me. It was a family trait, she would say, this inability to shut your brain off. She did the same thing when she was little like me. I cringed at the thought of having to deal with this for the rest of my life. So she would kneel beside my bed and pretend to turn a crank by my ear, proclaiming that now my brain was officially turned off so I could fall asleep. And ya know what? It worked every time.

Sometimes, when I can't sleep, I think about all of those nights when my mom would do this for me. I still try to turn my brain off and stop thinking so much when I can, but to no avail. Just doesn't work as good as when Mom would do it. I guess it's not supposed to. I mean, moms have magical powers, right?

What's in a name, anyway?

So, I have a confession to make. Went down to the Social Security Office to (finally) change my name on Friday - and totally freaked and left.

Maybe it was that reality was finally hitting me in the phase. You see, I didn't really think that changing my last name would bother me as much as it did when I was finally faced with filling out the paper work and going through with it. I surprised myself, really! Since the wedding in May, I've been going by my new last name, trying to get used to the feel of it. And I really do like my new last name! It is easy to pronounce and spell, a far cry from my maiden name. And after 26 years of strangers, and even friends, butchering the spelling and pronunciation of my maiden name, I came to look forward to changing it to something much more fool-proof.

Yet, there I was sitting in a room full of mopey-faced people and crying babies, struggling to fill out a simple name-change form. What was the name currently on my SS card? What did I want to change it to? Well, that was a good question. Did I want to take the path of my mother, who substituted her maiden name for her middle name? Would it be disrespectful to her memory if I didn't? Better yet, would I be a disgrace to feminism, and all of the women who worked so hard to make sure I had the choice? The problem is, I really like my initials the way they currently are. And my middle name. And, unlike some women, changing my middle name to my maiden name (first + maiden + last = full new name, for those who are confused) would mean a mouthful of a name to use as an introduction. And for strangers. Who already butcher my name as is. With that said, do I just drop my maiden name altogether? Or even (gasp!) hyphenate my maiden and last name? This last alternative wouldn't really work for me. For some reason, my husband thinks it's ridiculous for women to hyphenate their last name with their husband's last name. I guess it's a respect thing for him, I don't really know. At the end of the day, it's really only MY choice what to do about my name. But, if there's one thing I've learned about relationships, it's that you have to choose your battles. And hyphenation is not a battle worth fighting, in my eyes.

So that really only leaves me with one choice, the choice I'd decided to go with all along: drop my maiden name in favor of taking my husband's name. A simple task. But if it was so simple, than why was it so hard for me to go through with? I got a little emotional filling out that SS form. My last name has been an integral part of my identity my entire life. It felt weird that it would no longer be a part of who I am. Or would it? I mean does changing my last name really change who I am? Not really. I'm still the same person. I still have the same life story. I still have the same characteristics that have come to represent my family. In fact, the only difference would be the letters coming after my first name. So why am I making a big deal out of nothing? Problem solved.

Now that I've come to terms with the name change, I need to figure out in which order I need to change ALL of legal documents (gahhh!!): SS card, then license, then post office, then banks? How will the postal service know to deliver my new SS card if the name on my address is still my maiden? Do I need proof of ID to change my name at the Post Office? I don't think so, but I'm not sure. Do I change both my mailing and permanent? Maybe the order should be: SS card, post office, license, bank accounts, etc. Yeah, I think I'll try that.

This is going to take forever.

50 Questions That Will Free Your Mind - Part Deux

In addition to my previous post:

11. You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire. They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend. The criticism is distasteful and unjustified. What do you do?

- If the criticism was distasteful and unjustified, I would stand up and defend that person. Even if that person was not my friend. There is no room for that type of behavior in my life, even if it is from people I admire and respect. In fact, that type of behavior would make me admire and respect them just a little less.

12. If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be?

-Hold on for the ride! Be open and honest, work hard, and the rest will follow.

13. Would you break the law to save a loved one?

-Absolutely! If I thought it was for just cause in my head, I would do just about anything to save a loved one.

14. Have you ever seen insanity where you later saw creativity?

-Yes. But I can't name anything specific at this moment.

15. What’s something you know you do differently than most people?

-I tend to do things the "hard" way. The hard way is the sure way!

16. How come the things that make you happy don’t make everyone happy?

-Well, we all have different interests and tastes in life, so it make sense that different things make different people happy. Or unhappy.

17. What one thing have you not done that you really want to do? What’s holding you back?

-Open my own bakery/cafe/event facility. Or creative services firm. Just fear really. And lack of funds. I think it's all about timing. But I know I'll get there one day.

18. Are you holding onto something you need to let go of?

- Not physically! (Joke!) I'd have to say fear of failure. I guess everyone does this. And some resentment towards people/events in my life that are out of my control.

19.If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why?

-Yeesh! Good question. That's hard to say because I can only base my answer upon places I've been to. So with that said, I really like the Caribbean because it's just GORGEOUS! And I love the beach. Particularly water that I can see everything in! As for Stateside, I guess I would say Pennsylvania because my family is there, and it's beautiful. Or Tennessee. But only if I could take my Texas family and friends with me!

20. Do you push the elevator button more than once? Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster?

-Yes. And, no.

Day 154 of Unemployment. Or, 106 business days.

I'm sitting here trying to prepare for a networking happy hour later on this evening. I've got some business card templates, and I'm going to create my own business cards to pass out, should the occasion arise. Am I expecting big things to come of this happy hour? Not really. But I'm remaining optimistic in the hopes that if nothing else, it will be a learning experience. I'm not going to get my hopes up, just take it for what it will be.

This is the longest I've ever gone without work in the last 10 years. I've held steady employment, at least 1, sometimes 2 jobs, since I was 16. Fourteen, if you count all the babysitting gigs I held while in school. So being out of work is uncomfortable for me. I hate it. I think I've made that clear in some of my previous posts, so I won't get into how much I really just don't like being out of work.

Sam says to me, "well lots of people are out of work right now. We're in a recession." I don't really care about why other people are out of work. It sounds heartless, but I really don't. I wish them the best of luck, and if I can help anyone I know who is out of work, I certainly will, but I care mostly about why I'm out of work, and what I'm going to do about it.

In some ways, I am facing my worst fear. My parents suffered terrible layoffs while I was coming up in this world, and I've never forgotten about how horrible an experience it is when one or both of your parents are out of work, and the emotional stress and turmoil that comes along with that. The arguments about money, and having to cut back on expenses, and worrying about when it's all gonna end. I endured it as a child, and I'm enduring it again as an adult. My parents never knew how their unemployment situations stressed me out, but I always promised myself I would never let myself get into that kind of a situation. Feared it. Yet, here I am.

The worst part of unemployment, is that none of it really makes sense to me. I've done everything right thus far in my life to ensure success, taken every step imaginable to make sure that I am not just employable, but highly sought after. I've sent out hundreds of resumes and job inquiries, attended networking seminars, talked with friends. By all accounts, with my education and work experience, I should've gotten another job by now. But here I am, at 12:04 on a Thursday afternoon, typing in a blog about how I CAN'T seem to get a break. I can't wrap my head around it. The hardest part is watching my friends have such success in their careers, while I'm still struggling. And it's not that I don't want them to be successful, more than I want to be right up there with them. I know I have worked just as hard, if not harder than most of my friends and people I know, yet here I am, still struggling years after I thought I'd be in a good place in my life.

I remember my mother going through a similar situation soon after my family moved to Texas in 1998. For the first year or so, my mom stayed at home with us, presumably to help our transition to this foreign country, I mean new state, a little easier.

When she tried to go back to work, sometime during my sophomore year of high school, it was quite a struggle for her to find employment. My mom was never much of an emotion-shower; she kept her feelings to herself, and rarely ever cried. To this day, she is the toughest, strongest person I know. I can count the number of times I saw her cry on one hand. She never let anything phase her. So it was a real shock to me when I saw her come home after an interview one day, and head straight to her bedroom, shut the door, and start bawling. At 15, I just didn't have what it took to console her, didn't know the right words to say to make her feel better.

And at 26, I still don't.